The post below was a previous entry and I thought it bears reposting. It’s been over a year since this post and we have since ceased seeing a fertility specialist. The end result was 1) There is no medical reasons for our infertility. 2) The only offered option was in-vitro fertilization; which was really not an option for us. I will talk about that in a later post. Now not much as changed in the fertility area, but I have changed. God is working in me and I have hope, be encouraged that He sees, He hears, and He cares.
02/2018: I feel like I am coming apart on one hand, but then I know that I am okay because God is still on the throne and in control. Fertility or lack of is a hard condition to deal with, like any other chronic condition it is something you deal with on a daily basis. The thought of fertility issues and concerns is always on my mind whether I give it attention or try to refocus my heart and mind on other things. But… I truly trust God in all things he is in control and on the throne, He knows how difficult this is, and the challenges that I didn’t anticipate. Let me back up, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 8 years and actually longer if we are truthful. Our first real attempt with a fertility doctor was in 2013, after many trials and disappointments and my husband having a heart attack in February 2014 we stopped our active pursuit with fertility doctors; but still trying on our own.
So here we are January 2018 starting what feels like our last real chance in an active pursuit of trying to conceive. Now, I thought we would be pregnant and have a baby last year for sure, but of course that didn’t happen or else I would be here typing this today. I started this journey so naïve, I wish someone would have told me that it would be emotional, spiritual, and mental. This road is all inclusive and requires your whole being whether you know it or not. In the last two weeks I have had a period, started on many vitamins and minerals, had blood drawn, transvaginal u/s, HSG which was traumatic, ovulated, had intercourse and is now waiting to see if I am pregnant. This two week wait is torture, I am 3-4 DPO and still feel something slight pain, mild discomfort in my abdomen. Let me talk about the HSG test I was not ready for the possibility of blocked fallopian tubes, I was willing to concede to one tube being blocked but not both. Then again I really don’t know if my tubes are blocked or not because I did not see the last film. Yet, I know that this is God’s timing for us and it seems that things moved so quickly because it is God and not me trying to do it on my own. So here I am trying to get some stability and figure out how to navigate this journey in a way that pleases God. I want God to be glorified and maybe one way I can do that is by fully trusting him. I keep worrying about every little movement, vaginal discharge, and cycle day. I am at these times reminded of God’s power, mercy, grace, and love for me. So for now I will sign off get some rest and prepare for a new day and God’s mercy!